Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
