so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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