you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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