I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
