My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
