Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
