currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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