i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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