I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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