it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
