Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
