I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
