; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
