I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
