I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
