i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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