do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
