ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
