And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
