Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
