he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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