5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
