"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
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