I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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