Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
