erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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