I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
