That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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