Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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