Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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