epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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