Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
