Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
