we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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