So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
