life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
