The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
