Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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