Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
