I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
