u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
