Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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