I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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