It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
