Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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