you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
