We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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