What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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