I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
