On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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