the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
