If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
