There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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