all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
