you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Boobs are out for the taking
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
