We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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