I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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