I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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