just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She even gives head with a lisp.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
