too bad you live with your parents still
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
