nut hugger
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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