It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
